Happy Holydays, Merry Xmas

It’s Christmas Eve. The presents are wrapped and everything is being put together for the Big Day. Time is left to reflect on the meaning of Christmas.

Not everyone sees it the same way. Some see the season only about families. Of course, Christmas is about families, just not entirely so. Others focus on the shopping, the presents, the fancy dinners, and spreading good will. And again, no Christmas is complete without sharing our love for each other and giving gifts to those we love. A nice meal is always enjoyed.

From a Christian perspective, there is the emphasis on the celebration of Jesus. Those who have a proper perspective on this Day remember that Christians received the best Christmas present they could ever get. We celebrate the Incarnation, the idea that God became man and dwelt among us. What more could a human being desire?

Some of you looked at the title of this blog and thought, “OK, here comes the sermon.” However, my perspective might be different than what you expect. My wife and I just did a photo shoot at a local church where we offered Christmas cards as part of their order. We had about 30 possible selections, with more than half of the samples using the greeting “Happy Holidays.” I can’t tell you how many said something to the effect, “I would never use that card. It’s sacrilegious.” Actually, the term comes from “Happy Holy Days.” I don’t have a problem with this idea because that’s what this time of the year is: Holy. We prepare ourselves to encounter the Son of God.

Another no-no in Christian circles is using in any way, shape, or form the abbreviation “Merry Xmas.” Some say it’s akin to “taking Christ out of Christmas.” Again, I disagree. The chi (x) is the first letter in Greek for “Christos,” or Christ. Like the icthus (the Greek word for fish, used by Christians to identify themselves as believers), I think Christians should take ownership of this word. And, of course, many Christians have demonized Santa Claus to become “Satan Claus.” Unfortunately, we who follow Christ are so well known for throwing the proverbial babies out with the bathwater, and I believe this is one more example that makes us appear to be an anal, repressed people. But Jesus said in John 10:10 He came to give us a full and abundant life, and I think that includes existing outside the monastery.

This Holyday is about Jesus, no doubt about it. He should be the center of everything a Christian is all about. But when it comes to Xmas, we should be able to include a number of traditions, such as the gathering of family, the nice meal, the present giving, the singing of carols, and the spreading joy to our friends and neighbors. Even the fantasy aspect of the Day, with Santa Claus possibly being in the mix, should be allowed as long as a perspective is kept.

Some of you may be offended, completely disagreeing with my take. That’s fine. I just think there’s so much about Christmas that we can celebrate, with no guilt needed for those of us who partake in the festivities. Let’s celebrate Jesus and worship the arrival of the King of Kings. Let’s love one another and spread some good cheer. Let’s just enjoy what God has given us. All in all, let’s have a very Happy Holyday we call Merry Christmas!

Two men for every three women?

In Utah, the issue of polygamy is a very sensitive topic. Should the topic of one man marrying more than one wife somehow come up in a conversation, watch the eyes roll and folks run away from the conversation. So, needless to say, this is not an issue generally dealt with over the picket fence.

However, when a Mormon is willing to discuss the issue, it’s amazing how many folktales are used. For one, it is commonly asserted that polygamy was necessary back in the pioneer days of Brigham Young because there were not enough men for the women. (Note: According to all statistics I have seen, there NEVER was a time when Mormon men outnumbered Mormon women at any time in the Utah Territory.) Thus, having a man take two or more wives is somehow touted as actually being helpful to the women, as otherwise they would have ended up as Old Maids. (In case you’re wondering, being single for many years is NOT a good thing in Mormonism.) The men who sacrificed themselves in this way are almost made out to be heroes, as if they were taking one for the team so that women would have a chance at the celestial kingdom. I once had one Latter-day Saint tell me that the male/female ratios actually became close to 50/50 in the 1890s when the Manifesto abolishing polygamy was given, so the practice had somehow served its purpose and was no longer needed. Really.

Hence, imagine my surprise when I discovered that, according to a recent survey from Trinity College called “Mormons in the United States, 1990-2008” (Salt Lake Tribune, 12/15, p. A1), there appear to be many more Mormon women than Mormon men in the state of Utah. Consider these statistics: In 1990, a total of 53 percent of the Mormons in Utah were females (55% in the rest of the country). Eighteen years later, though, in 2008, there were 60% LDS females in Utah compared to 40% males (52% in the rest of the country).

In other words, if you’re female in Utah, there’s a good possibility you will be sitting home on Saturday night. Imagine, this equals three women for every two men in Utah. Go to a Saturday night dance and there are 60 girls to only 40 boys. Some are getting left out. For returning 21-year-old male missionaries, these are some pretty good odds when coming home. I can only wonder if there will soon be an influx of Mormon males moving to SLC from other parts in the country as well? Even with Vegas so close, these odds have to look pretty good.  

Since Utah Mormons have a problem of too many females and not enough males, the question needs to be asked: Should the Mormon Church propose making polygamy legal once more? After all, there are possibly some women who won’t be able to attend the temple as married women unless willing men can lend a hand. There must be some willing married Mormon males out there who might be willing to do their duty and get married to two, maybe even three women. After all, if God intended polygamy back in the old days to provide assistance to the women, it seems like this practice ought to be reconsidered once more.

Of course, this is not going to happen. But the next time a Mormon uses the “too many women, not enough men” argument for support of 19^th century polygamy, ask if they believe Mormonism’s prophet will soon be told by God to reinstitute this practice because many LDS women don’t have worthy husbands. Odds are, they’ll say “no.”

Stories that make the heart ache

Living in Utah is a different experience. Of course, there’s the cold—it’s been in the teens this past week and no snow in sight, so it’s a bit chilly  out there. There’s the inversion layer, which makes downtown skyscrapers look like fingers reaching into dirty water.  And last but not least, there’s the Mormon influence. Truly, there are so many people in Utah just entwined in this religion, never considering the idea that perhaps they have been misled.

One of the joys of working in ministry here is getting to listen to people’s stories. Last night, my friend Bill McKeever and I hosted a young couple from St. George. They have a zeal for living for God ever since they left the Mormon Church in the summer of 2010. It was a 16-month process for them to leave, but leave they did and now they are sold out for Jesus. Talking to them last night, they recounted the painful stories of dealing with family and the feeling of near-abandonment, where they visit close relatives who no longer speak intimately, just about the weather and other benign issues. (I understand what this feels like from a first-person perspective.) From their LDS friends, this couple has received little compassion, just questions, such as “Have you divulged temple secrets?” or “Have you properly disposed of your temple clothing?”  Trust has been lost. So superficial and so sad.

Today, I spent the afternoon manning the Utah Lighthouse Bookstore in Salt Lake City, which is run by Sandra Tanner. She’s in Tennessee at a television taping, so they needed help watching the store.  Yes, books are sold there, but even more important is having a visible place (right across from Spring Mobile Park, the home of the AAA Salt Lake Bees) where people from any persuasion can feel safe to come in and ask questions.

That’s exactly what 25-year-old  J____ did early this afternoon. He walked in the door as I was working on a chapter for the book Bill and I will have available this summer (Kregel Publications). My initial reaction? Honestly, it was, “Shoot, I’m smack in the middle of this, hope this guy doesn’t bother me.” Geez, what a carnal and selfish reaction, but hey, I sin, just like you! J_________ wasn’t in the store for more than 30 seconds when he looked at me and blurted out, “I’m LDS and I’m searching.”

I asked him to sit down and, for three hours, we conversed on a variety of issues, everything from the reliability of the Bible to the Trinity and authority in the church. He’d ask a question and I’d talk for 20 minutes. He’d ask another, more commentary from me. At the close of an issue, I’d ask if he understood my explanation. “Yes,” was the typical response. But when I asked him to tell me what I said about the Trinity, he still had a misconception (thinking the Father is the Son), so we had to work extra hard on that issue. Then he said, “You know, I think I’m getting this.” Progress was being made.

We were in the middle of our second hour of conversation—nobody else has bothered us—when a midde-aged couple walks in. In this small 700 square-foot store, there’s no whispering because you’ll be heard anywhere in the room. So I continued my talk with J______________. Meanwhile, I feel that this couple is superficially looking at the store’s book offerings but is listening to the conversation (which is fine). Finally, S_________ stands across the table, causing J_________ to look at her. I turn and ask, “Hi, ready to check out?” “No,” she said, “I’m just listening.”

Then she pulls up a chair and motions for J________ and I to continue our talk. So we did, for another 20 or so minutes. During a pause in the conversation, S________ hesitantly put her hand up and says, “I’m LDS, but I just found out last week that Mormonism is false.” Her words are a jolt to J_________ and I, as I think we assume this was an Evangelical couple. Tears fill her eyes. My heart became sad.

Then S_______ looked up at J_______ and asked, “Are you LDS?” “Yes, sort of still,” he said. “Oh, OK, I thought that might be the case. Let me tell you, if I had observed this conversation last week, I would have felt sorry for him (pointing at me). I would have thought, that young man is having to listen to this lost man who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But I don’t think that anymore. Now I feel sorry for both you and me.”

It was apparent that I had an invitation to share the Christian gospel. The three Mormons in the room knew that their religion offers no hope and is not based in truth. But none of them were ready to jump ship quite yet. They all have searching left to do. The husband of S___________ decided that there is no God, that he’s tired of getting deceived, and therefore he wants nothing to do with God. He’s not arrogant, just hurt. (Unfortunately, we see more people jump into atheism after leaving the church—it’s a natural reaction to not be burned twice.) Meanwhile, the couple’s two kids (16 and 12) are fully engulfed in the church, not knowing that Mom and Dad are planning to abandon the faith they grew up in. They don’t know what to do and fear a splitting of their family. They are tempted to stay status quo and finish raising their children, but S_________ said, “How would I be able to look them in the face when they find out it’s not true?” She knows this is not a good choice, but how will she tell them? Will they be angry? Will this cause division in their family?

Before they left, I had a chance to pray for the couple, and then I finished the conversation with J_________. In just a few short hours, I was greatly reminded why I’m here in Utah. This is not a game, folks. So much is on the line. Even though he is 25 and served a mission, J_________ doesn’t want to disappoint his parents, as his dad is a bishop. What will the reaction be from his dad’s congregation when they realize that the bishop’s son is considering becoming an “apostate”? (None of his family or friends know about his search. Can you blame him?) And the couple feels burned. “What are we supposed to do after spending our entire lives in this church?” S_____________ asked. These are good people who just don’t know where to turn.

If you’re a believer, would you take a minute to pray for these folks? J__________ and S___________ can trace their genealogy to the days of Joseph Smith.  For the rest of the story, please know that I am asking a Christian couple who have been through a similar situation to call S___________ and her husband—they said it was OK. And Bill and I will have lunch with J___________ in a few weeks, as he took a copy of The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel and promises to read the first six chapters on the Bible. I bet he devours the book.

Perhaps I’ll go visit the bookstore tomorrow and see who’s next to come through the door.